Falsify

Card of the Day:	Reversed King of Coins
Interpretation:	Superficial and lazy. Worthless. Perhaps not quite so... severe, but it is, unfortunately, accurate.

Have you seen my happy face?
I need to put it on
To hide the pain and sorrow:
Something others must not see.
I hide behind behind this mask,
Though something isn't right.
My world is collapsing,
Shattering, destroyed.
I hide behind this mask
To block the ceaseless tears.
I hide behind this mask
To prove that nothing's wrong,
When inside I'm really quaking,
Defeated, destroyed.

I wrote this poem in high school. To be honest, I'm not even sure why anymore. I know I did it as a cry for help (I attempted to post a bunch of copies around my school anonymously, but, thankfully, a teacher caught me in the act.), but I can't remember anymore what I was so upset/depressed/angry/whatever about.

What I do know is something good came out of this, and I use this poem as a symbol of my growth. I am a person who couldn't write something like this anymore. The emotion that led to this isn't there. While not the best poem, it is mine, and I will remember it always.

Yesterday's Card:	Nine of Swords
Reflection:	That's what it has to be. It IS what's on my brain, after all.

Told Through Eyes

Card of the Day:	Reversed Ten of Wands
Interpretation:	The burden is... off. Or at least I've set it down. Here's to hoping I remember to pick it back up.

Let's be honest with each other.

I know you want to tell me something.
I can see it in your eyes.

I'll listen.
You don't want me to.
But I'll listen.

The words are trapped behind your lips.
They twist and curl,
But your lips remain firmly shut.
Instead, your eyes betray your pain.

Shhh. Don't speak.
There are words you want to say.
I can hear them trying to break free.
I know you fight to swallow them.
The message is one you cannot share.

But I understand why you want to.
The reasons drip down your face,
Out of your eyes, into your hands.
While you fight to keep the words inside,
Their message speaks to me loud and clear.
Shhh. Don't speak, but don't push me away.

Your heart shines through your eyes.
There is nothing but pain and grief.
I wrap you in my arms: safe, secure, warm.
And in this haven, this sacred cocoon,
A flicker of hope appears.
Don't tell me, I can see you can't.
Love has no need for words.

Yesterday's Card:	Reversed Sun
Reflection:	False hope for today seems more accurate than failure yesterday. @%&#. Pardon my Hungarian.

Blank

Card of the Day:	Reversed Ten of Swords
Interpretation:	Let's call this the beginning of the end. We're not out of the woods yet, but at least the canopy is starting to thin.

Blank, white paper,
It's such a simple thing.
So enticing, my pen crawls closer.
But what to create? Where to begin?

A word. Stop.
Think, scratch out, and begin again.
A curve, a line, a shape,
And the world begins to form.

Crumpling, a cry of frustration,
Another set of words.
Lines grow and multiply
While color comes to life.

No. It is not right.
The words flow off the page.
No. It is not wrong.
Sifting through a torn heart.

Blank, white paper,
It's such a complex thing.
Words shape the mind's desires
And create the color of life.

Yesterday's Card:	Temperance
Reflection:	Well... it's a start. Let's hope I don't backslide AGAIN. No wait... I think I might be already. Dammit.

As If

Card of the Day:	Reversed Four of Wands
Interpretation:	Incompleteness. Something is broken. The good news: I know what it is. The bad news: I'm not sure I have the proper tools to fix it.

I whisper in your ear.
I squeeze your hand.
I kiss your cheek,
As if you would believe me.

I plead with my eyes.
The tears begin to slide.
I hold you one last time,
As if you really cared.

I stare at the floor.
I glance at the sky.
I hold your gaze,
As if I could speak.

But you stand up.
You turn your head.
You walk away,
As if I disappeared.

Time ebbs, flows, and passes.
Life carries on.
The clock keeps ticking,
As if nothing happened.

My heart burns.
I cry your name.
I weep alone,
As if you would return.

I write a letter:
A simple poem of love,
A broken scroll of fear,
As if you would listen.

The empty spaces fade.
The tide slips away.
The sky frowns on earth,
As if the world would end.

The eyes bleed.
The throat is silent.
The sleep comes in stillness,
As if no one was there.

This is the last of my old poetry I will be posting for a while (Unless I can find Falsify. There's a story behind that one.). This one has no particular reason, I just really like it. Yes, it's creepy. Yes, it's vague. That's the point. That's how I like to write. It's the reason I prefer poetry to actual writing. I can leave out details and no one blinks an eye. Most of the story is implied.

And no, I don't have psychological issues, and if I do, they would hardly be considered severe. I just used to like morbid poems in high school, just like every other whiny emo teenager. ;)

Yesterday's Card:	Page of Swords
Reflection:	And I blew it again.

Closed Iris

Card of the Day:	Reversed Three of Wands
Interpretation:	It's going to be hard for me to get anything accomplished today. Aside from the implications here of pride (and a refusal to change, since that's where I am right now), I am sick. Nothing serious, but I'm really listless (and useless) right now.

Perhaps... a dream
Slowed into stasis,
Taking the time to tarry
For a toast to tribulation.

Swirling clouds of dust
Sweep tentatively across the floor,
Leaving delicate footprints
On the moonlit sand.

The foam of the waves
Becomes trails of lace,
Gracing a life-long hope
With a haunting seam.

Watching, waiting
In a field of silence.
As a doll dances
Through the silver clouds.

One thought bubbles:
“To be or not to be?”
Is, was, am, are, were
Or even will be...

Something to be left
Once, forever, in a dream
With grace, a dance magnificent.
An illusion, a beautiful vision.

What if the eyes open?
What could be seen in the rosy glass?
Trapped in a darkling bottle,
Sailing on an endless sea.

Awaken to a strange new world:
One filled with tears and sweat,
Where faces scream in silence,
And all is black, black, black.

The dirty, rusting promises
Slowly snap in half.
The strands of reality
Unravel like thread.

Return once more to a land
Where chaos reigns supreme,
Yet still offering solace
From the bustling landscape.

Perhaps... a dream:
To collect one’s thoughts,
To scoff at the shelf
Of life’s last hurrah, and laugh.

This was my poem for our poetry unit in AP English, way back in my senior year of high school. I have always enjoyed writing poetry, and this was no exception. The assignment was to write a poem on any subject with a minimum of 6 different poetic techniques. I won't go through what techniques I chose here (I think I might still have that file somewhere, but I don't want to look for it), but I hope you can enjoy it as it is.

Yesterday's Card:	Ace of Wands
Reflection:	It's a start. I'm not perfect by any means, but I at least have found the path I want to walk. At least, I think I have.

Puzzle Peaces

Card of the Day:	Ace of Wands
Interpretation:	I have the power! No seriously. This claims to be a new beginning. All I have to do is reach out and seize it. Think I can do it?

I am silk.
I float gently on translucent wings.
I am on the lips of every crying child.
I am the prayer of every frightened mother.
What am I?

I am peace.
I am silence.
I am the shoulder to cry on.
I am the arms with an embrace.

But I am alone.
I whisper glimmering words.
Unheeded, they fall to the ground.
Flames dance upon innocent faces,
And I burn.

I was peace.
I was silence,
But I have drowned in a bloody river.
I am lost in the despairing moans.

I can’t hear.
My sheltering arm is dead.
The children who call my name,
The mothers who cry for help,
All are silenced.

I was peace.
I was silence,
But War has taken my name,
And Death has taken my face.

Heed them not!
The peace of War is but a sham,
And Death brings naught but silence.
Yet their honeyed words and golden lies
Fool them all.

Words of peace,
Words of silence,
I would give the world to them,
Yet still they turn away.

I am gold.
I am more valuable than diamonds.
I am what every child wishes for
When thunder rumbles in the distance.
What am I?

I am a dream.
I am an illusion.
I am what everyone wishes for,
But nobody seems to want.

What am I?
I was peace.
I was silence.
But now... I am gone.

This is an original piece I used for a Forensics competition my senior year of high school. I "performed" it in addition to Lord Byron's "Darkness" with the theme of "What is Peace?" This is, in my opinion, one of my best works. Of course, an artist's opinion of his own work tends to be rather useless or contrary, but hey, someone has to see it first, right?

Yesterday's Card:	Three of Cups
Reflection:	I had a mini-celebration of life yesterday. It wasn't an All-Campus party, but it was uplifting nonetheless.

Only Once

Card of the Day:	Reverse Death
Interpretation:	That scares me. I know I want to renew myself. I want to become "better". But that part of me is losing. I love the person I am. I only want to change a few things. And those are the hardest parts to change.

What?

It's not like we've ever been here before.
You know, the fighting, the crying, the screaming.
It's never happened.

I knew you'd say that.

I know "I don't appreciate you".
You've told me before.
When was the last time you've said something worth listening to?

It's just a cycle.

You want me to be the perfect guy for you.
But I can't change so easily.
Especially not when you want me to be that.

That's not who I am.

I won't be your man.
I can't be. You don't want me.
Not the me that I truly am.

Back up, back off.

You say understanding is necessary.
So why can't you understand the things I'm saying!?
I only have one more thing to say.

We're done.

Yesterday's Card:	Reverse Death
Reflection:	... Maybe I don't want to change?

Dreamscape

Card of the Day:	Four of Wands
Interpretation:	Uh... what? I get a sense of completion here, but one of the traditional interpretations is marriage!? Yeah, no. I get a sense of peace and repose here.

Remote fantasies
Watching on wings of gossamer silk.

They know who I am.
They know what I am
Under the wraps I shroud myself in.

Patient dreams
Watching on wings of golden thread.

The all-consuming desires,
The fearful cries and broken sobs,
They watch my careful, studied steps.

Hungry shadows
Watching on wings of tethered souls.

I sense their longing.
I sense their unheeded desire.
Fear drives me onward, beyond their gaze.

Silent eyes
Watching on wings of frozen tears.

"Away! Away!" I cry.
"These things are not truly mine!"
I plead with the visions they offer.

Hidden masks
Watching on wings of enticing lies.

A glimpse of color,
Rare in a darkened life,
Sparks, illumination for a shadowed soul.

Whispered words
Watching on wings of idle minds.

The world unfolded before me.
A gasp, a glance, a step,
And the world was mine.

Careful smiles
Watching on wings of radiant mirth.

Yesterday's Card:	Reversed Page of Coins
Reflection:	You know, this probably represented my lack of student-like skills again. *sigh*